"Yeah, we're breakin' free"

Well, "breakin' free" isn't always a good thing. Yeah, I'm breaking free from old love. I'm breaking free from some less-than-happy-making habits. But I also seem to be unintentionally breaking free from some people I love a lot. I can't seem to make everyone else and myself happy all at the same time.
Let's say I'm best friends with someone, Person A. We spend all our time together, practically finish each other's sentences. A while later, Person B steps in. Person B is like a replica of myself. I can see me in everything Person B does and has done in her past. Wll, now I have two best friends, and it doesn't seem to be an issue.
Until...
Person B goes through this heart-wrenching crisis that I actually can't see myself in. I can't relate, so what can I possibly do but comfort her and just be there? When I'm not there, Person B is depressed, and I do not mind at all just being there. I know time will pass and she'll be able to stand on her own again.
Well, I was right. The crisis has passed and she doesn't need me as much as she did. So what do I do? I run back to try and make up for lost time with Person A, of course. But I run to her door, and as I approach, the door slams; the last thing I see before the glum mohogany of "too late" is her back turning on me. As the lock clicks into place, I can feel my heart breaking. She's taken a part of me with her.
I've been pounding on that door; listening for a click; waiting for the knob to turn; looking for any sign that she may want to let me back in.
But doors tend to make better doors... than windows. And I'm locked out.
What was I supposed to do? Just because she came into my life second doesn't mean I love Person B any less. Was I supposed to just let her deal with this on her own? Would that have been better for everyone important?

OWAH!

Lyk/zomg! .an UpdAte?/?

yesh, i am updating. OnLy because I am shooo bored.

sho, here's mai life:

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.pee.eshhh. me and hans are redheads! >.<

[MeePeDIt]

noO0o!!!!! F0r3t it! I just made this long postttt 0n h3re and hit publ1sh n0w it's gone!

sho i was coming back to bl0gg3r but now i'm turned off AND y00 don't know what ish going on in mai lyfe!

Wow...

Wow, that song is really fun. Okay, my new goal is to beat In The Heat of The Night on Heavy. It shouldn't be too hard- it's all just practice, which I need anyway if I'm going to fit into my homecoming dress. ^_^

I'm actually in a really good mood. Today started out really good. It was late start Wednesday, so I slept in, only I slept too late and was already late for school, so my mom said I didn't have to hurry if I was already going to be late. So I took my time getting ready and eating my sugar free instant breakfast. School was nice because I hardly had any work and Danielle and I wore our super cute matching hair barrettes and shoes and everyone thought we were crazy, lol.

So, I also got the results from my "computer fun" test- telling me with whom in the school I'm most compatable, and apparently three of my top five compatable people are in the Chess and Strategy Club (Jenny Craig, Alex Goergen, and Charlie Kessler), one is gay (Kevin Regan), and one is my ex-boyfriend (Logan Mathews), so it was really just a waste of money buying the results... lol... Jenny Craig is my number one most compatable, I still find that humorous. And it made it even better that I was sitting right next to him when I found out, haha.

[edit] Oh yeah, I just remembered, not that this means anything to anyone who doesn't go to my school, but the person from my class with whom I am most compatable is Steven Glassbreiner (sp?) lmao. That's cool, though, because he's hilarious AND intelligent, so what does that say about me?? ^_^

Okay, the end. I UPDATED! HAPPY, CRAZY PPL???

Oh my God!

Soooooo, at the all-diocese senior mass I definately expected to be ignored by Bridget (my ex-wife who totally ditched me like two years ago== she goes to Sion), but instead, after mass, she came rushing up to me for a hug and wanted to catch up! That totally made my day. That and having the BEST ride home on the bus + best choir class + funniest lunch period (lmao I love Kevin Sack's face, Alisha's and Sarah's ultimate coolness, Hannah's meanness, Katie's... uh... throat hair and ventriliquism [and inside jokes with me], and Alex's CUTE shoes). Danielle- I didn't mean to piss you off, or blow you off. I was in the middle of a really really funny conversation with some of my other friends (the ones listed above) and so I ate lunch with them. I figured you wouldn't mind, since Angelo was there so it's not like I forced you to eat alone. If you had been alone I would've asked you to come to the choir room with us... I really really enjoy those people's company, but I feel like I can't ever sit with them because you have issues with people you don't know. Anyway, their table is pretty crowded usually anyway, but sometime I think we should sit with them and you can get to know them better. Soooo my day was good, but I have like NO voice right now and my throat hurts. Luckily (pah!), I have plenty of homework to do and luckily (honestly, this time), last night I bought Fruits Basket 2, 3, and 4! ^_^ Yay, me! Now I'ma go get me some cheesecake!

MmMmM

Cheesecake.... ^_^

Today...

Whew! I am SO bi-polar!!! I had a really REALLY good day. I was SO happy and hyper all day!!! Then I got to choir practice after school and the choir director from St. Pius X was directing us and she was CRAZY annoying, so during those two wasted hours and a bit on the bus ride home, I was kinda out of it and didn't say much, but then Sarah Pembrook cheered me up (she has that uncanny ability to always cheer me up) and I burst out laughing maniacally and everyone started laughing with me and I felt so... popular? That's not exactly the right word. I felt accepted. And it felt goooood. Then, as I drove home, I saw that gas is down to $2.57!!!!! AND then, after I got home, my mommy came home from the hospital!!! That MAY mean I could be going to Purrlers tomorrow (but no promises, I'm not sure- I might come to like half, though). Then, my aunt gave me $20 for my birthday (which is tomorrow). But right now, the edge is wearing off and I'm getting pretty easily annoyed, which is almost the opposite of how I've been the rest of the day... I'm thinking maybe I should go to bed early to preserve my good mood for my birthday.

Also, I was driving home and blasting Wicked and singing along REALLY enthusiastically, not caring that everyone who saw me was probably like, "WhAt ThE sHiT???" and I had this revolation. That is the girl I've always wanted to be. Totally carefree- outgoing and able to do whatever crazy thing I think of when I think of it. That is the girl who is going to get roles in big musicals and have tons of AWESOME, crazy-fun friends in college. That is the girl I've always wished I was... And I was her for a day. And it felt great. And I realized..... I can be her- I can channel her- whenever I need her. It's all about the attitude. I woke up today and said to myself, "This is going to be a great day." And I truly believed it with all my heart. And so it was.

It's like I've always hidden behind a mask. I've always been aware of that mask, but the thing is, I always thought the mask was the girl I just described to you. It never was. The mask was a shadow of that girl. The mask was someone who is outgoing and cool... around her friends. This girl is fearless... around everyone. She's not my mask. I've never hidden behind her. She's inside me. She's what I've been hiding. And I finally let her free. I just pray she stays with me.


[edit, 7:05 AM, the next day]

I'm legal, bitches! *sings* Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy BIRRRRRRTHDAY dear MeEeEeEeEe, Happy birthday to meeeeeee!!!

Yay!

I got more books today!!! Nana Vol. 2 and Fruits Basket Vol. 1 ^_^

Yay, me!

Then again, I also had to sit through that new Duff movie, Material Girls, with my sister and her friend...

Oh well! It was free! And I got my books!