Today...

Whew! I am SO bi-polar!!! I had a really REALLY good day. I was SO happy and hyper all day!!! Then I got to choir practice after school and the choir director from St. Pius X was directing us and she was CRAZY annoying, so during those two wasted hours and a bit on the bus ride home, I was kinda out of it and didn't say much, but then Sarah Pembrook cheered me up (she has that uncanny ability to always cheer me up) and I burst out laughing maniacally and everyone started laughing with me and I felt so... popular? That's not exactly the right word. I felt accepted. And it felt goooood. Then, as I drove home, I saw that gas is down to $2.57!!!!! AND then, after I got home, my mommy came home from the hospital!!! That MAY mean I could be going to Purrlers tomorrow (but no promises, I'm not sure- I might come to like half, though). Then, my aunt gave me $20 for my birthday (which is tomorrow). But right now, the edge is wearing off and I'm getting pretty easily annoyed, which is almost the opposite of how I've been the rest of the day... I'm thinking maybe I should go to bed early to preserve my good mood for my birthday.

Also, I was driving home and blasting Wicked and singing along REALLY enthusiastically, not caring that everyone who saw me was probably like, "WhAt ThE sHiT???" and I had this revolation. That is the girl I've always wanted to be. Totally carefree- outgoing and able to do whatever crazy thing I think of when I think of it. That is the girl who is going to get roles in big musicals and have tons of AWESOME, crazy-fun friends in college. That is the girl I've always wished I was... And I was her for a day. And it felt great. And I realized..... I can be her- I can channel her- whenever I need her. It's all about the attitude. I woke up today and said to myself, "This is going to be a great day." And I truly believed it with all my heart. And so it was.

It's like I've always hidden behind a mask. I've always been aware of that mask, but the thing is, I always thought the mask was the girl I just described to you. It never was. The mask was a shadow of that girl. The mask was someone who is outgoing and cool... around her friends. This girl is fearless... around everyone. She's not my mask. I've never hidden behind her. She's inside me. She's what I've been hiding. And I finally let her free. I just pray she stays with me.


[edit, 7:05 AM, the next day]

I'm legal, bitches! *sings* Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy BIRRRRRRTHDAY dear MeEeEeEeEe, Happy birthday to meeeeeee!!!